A Teacher's Musing
by Ranowa Hikura
Summary: Tsunade only took Haruno Sakura as her apprentice because she thought the girl would grow up. She didn't.


Inspired by the recent filler episode about Yuugao and Hayate. I think that's his name, the coughing guy. Okay, I was upset while I was watching it because I just want the damn filler to be over already, so it can't all be attributed to Sakura. But I certainly did not cheer when Yuugao jumped in to save Sakura at the last second… I tried to keep the Sakura-bashing realistic. This is not random comical I HATE SAKURA BLEG; I tried to make it a real character study. I recognize her skills in here, I just pay far more attention to her immaturity.

**Note: Obviously, this is not kind to Sakura. So if you like here, please don't read it just to flame me. I'm giving you fair warning now.**

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Tsunade was no stranger to young love. She remembered thinking she was in love with her first boyfriend after the second date and being convinced they would have a happily ever after- then breaking up with him three weeks later after he forget her birthday. She remembered Jiraiya's silly obsession with her that had matured into friendship later on, she remembered all the naive crushes of her youth and all of the stupid ways they ended.

So, Sakura's crush on Uchiha Sasuke had not particularly worried her. Sakura was from a civilian family and had grown up as a civilian. Even ninja children were just that, at first- children. Silly, innocent little children. Tsunade found Sakura's innocent little crush endearing, and almost as a reminder of what childhoods were supposed to be like.

Yes, one of the things Tsunade hated most in the world was people who thought they knew what love was, thought they knew what pain was, and, in reality, were only familiar with a pale, immature version of the real thing. She hated them for daring to think they knew anything at all- had ever since Dan and Nawaki had died. But she decided to give Haruno Sakura a chance, despite her silly little crush and silly little naiveté and silly little _annoying_ professions of love for a boy who couldn't care less if she existed.

At first, it seemed she had made the right decision. Sakura took to medical ninjutsu amazingly well, almost as well as Shizune had. And she had a gift for close, hand-to-hand combat that Shizune did not, creating an apprentice for Tsunade to not only give her medical prowess to, but her famed strength as well. Sakura picked up that, too, blossoming into a strong kunoichi that Tsunade was quite, quite sure would grow up someday to become a jounin, maybe even ANBU.

Grow up mentally, not just physically.

The problem was, that didn't happen.

She still called Sasuke 'Sasuke-kun', a far-off love in her eyes as she thought wistfully of her long lost teammate. Tsunade troubled long over her last words to Sasuke before he left the village, the words n the report that Sakura had submitted without embarrassment.

_I love you so much, Sasuke-kun… I'll do anything for you… Just stay with me, and I'll make you happy._

Those were the words of someone who did not know loss or pain. Of someone who thought she was grown up and ready to face the world, thought that love conquered everything in the cheesiest, most cliche fashion.

She couldn't help but compare Sakura's words to Jiraiya's, what he had said to her the night she had left.

_I know you're hurting, Tsunade… I know you won't give me a chance, and I'm not going to ask you to. I don't want you to leave but, if you think it will help, even a little- you should do it. _

Jiraiya hadn't been much older than Sakura when Sasuke and left- and yet, already much more understanding and familiar of suffering and death. But, then, he had lived through a war. She couldn't blame Sakura for that.

Tsunade had only spent several minutes with the Uchiha before his defection, so, admittedly, she did not know him well at all. But she did know Sakura well, and she simply could not see anything at all compatible about Sasuke and Sakura. Sakura was only attracted to him because he tall, dark, and handsome, with a mysterious past and a cool indifference that made fangirls squeal. She didn't look past that in him, just obsessed and drooled over the very surface.

She expected that in civilians. But in ninja? Ninja who saw death and pain every single day? Tsunade couldn't fathom how some ninja still grew up shallow like that, shallow enough to think love was a cute face and a cool manner.

One night, when she had gotten drunk, very drunk, Tsunade had said as much to Sakura. She'd been thinking about Dan and insults had just spilled out, and Sakura had happened to be right there. "You think you love Sasuke?" she had spat, one hand on her other glass, the other holding herself upright. "You don't know him at all. You didn't even care to get to know him. You don't know… you act like you've suffered but you don't know, you don't…"

And Sakura's eyes had filled with tears- that was another thing Tsunade hated, people who cried at the drop of the hat- and she had fiercely defended her love for Sasuke. "Of course I know him!" she had exclaimed, seeming so comically furious Tsunade had laughed into her drink. "I know him and I love him!"

Tsunade had kept Sakura on purely because she showed promising skills and because she believed the girl would grow up.

The years passed, Naruto and Sasuke both gone, and Sakura grew- but only physically. Oh, she gathered more experience, kept herself together in a fight better and didn't lose it at the first sight of a foe much, much stronger than she- that could not be denied. But she was still beyond convinced that she had understood and loved her lost teammate- and did still love him. That bothered Tsunade, but she kept Sakura as her apprentice and said nothing.

Finally, Naruto returned from his training ventures as a force to be reckoned with. He and Sakura made a good team, and Sakura seemed finally past the days when she would belittle everything the Uzumaki did and flat out ignore him. Now she gave him credit, recognized his skill, and was his friend. That made Tsunade proud, and did give her some hope for her apprentice.

Then there was the mission against the Akatsuki, Chiyo, and the fight with Sasori. Tsunade just about burst with pride when she learned that her apprentice had helped take down one of the strongest ninja in all of the Five Great Nations. Yes, she wouldn't have won without Chiyo, but Sakura had still come a long way and that was good.

After that, though, things rapidly went downhill with the mission that turned into another desperate attempt to retrieve Sasuke. Sakura had returned back, her long lost love having tried to kill her, a sad, hopeless look in her eyes. Tsunade was sad but, at the same time, proud, relieved, even, that Sakura had finally realized that she did not know Sasuke- certainly not what he had turned into- and that his pain was something far deeper than a silly teenage crush could touch.

That when Sakura had opened her mouth and crushed all of that.

"I can't believe what's happened to Sasuke-kun… I just… I love him so much and I never, ever believed he would be like this. I don't believe he tried to kill me."

Could the girl really be so delusional? Tsunade had wanted to scream in frustration at that point. Sakura was a fine medic, a strong kunoichi; couldn't she just grow up and stop being so self-absorbed for one damn minute and realize that she had never really loved Sasuke, just loved the idea of some cool, handsome boy as a boyfriend? That other girl who had been obsessed with him, the Yamanaka, had- why couldn't she?

But Tsunade had bit her tongue and kept silent. Sakura was suffering right now. Maybe this was some coping mechanism, something that protected her- Tsunade resolutely kept silent and decided to wait it out.

Then, of course, everything went to hell from there.

Pein and the Akatsuki decimated Konoha. Sakura watched her sensei die, her elder die, her master fall into a coma, and one of her best friends risk everything to kill the man responsible. Tsunade, of course, was filled in on all of this later by Shizune.

In that moment, Tsunade had never been more disappointed in someone than she had been in Sakura.

She learned of two things her apprentice had done. If Tsunade was being entirely honest, knowing that Sakura had gone to try and kill Sasuke had made her absolutely furious. Not because Sakura had tried to kill him, but simply because she had thought herself even physically capable of such an act. Sasuke had fought against the five Kage at the Summit and held his own. What the hell had Sakura thought she was doing? She was a skilled kunoichi- that was it. She wasn't even a match for a jounin. Where had she gotten that stupid overconfidence from? Never in a million years would she have won against Sasuke.

But that, that Tsunade could have forgiven- if it weren't for the other thing Shizune had told her.

Sakura's false declaration of love to Naruto.

It bespoke of so many things Tsunade hated that she didn't know where to begin. The first, that she somehow still thought her love was enough to accomplish anything at all. It was the same idea behind her pleading to Sasuke to stay in the village, that she loved him- she thought telling Naruto she loved him would be enough to get him to stop going after Sasuke. Didn't she get it? Naruto wanted his best friend back- he wanted to save his best friend from the darkness. Tsunade was certain that even if Sakura had actually been in love with Naruto, if she had required him to stop chasing after Sasuke, Naruto would have picked saving Sasuke over loving her.

Then there was the fact that she wasn't actually in love with him. Sakura claimed to understand what love was, claimed to understand how serious it was and that it was not a joking matter- then saw nothing wrong with lying to Naruto and telling the blond that she loved him.

Tsunade had been so, so proud to find that Naruto that had simply calmly asked Sakura not to lie to him. He hadn't just jumped to believe her, his long time crush finally confessing her love for him; Naruto had taken it into perspective and still been the amazing, loyal friend that he was, even when Sakura didn't deserve it.

Naruto had been mature the way she wished Sakura could be.

Tsunade found herself completely certain that if Sasuke abruptly confessed his love for Sakura, the kunoichi wouldn't give a damn whether it was false or not- as long as she had pretty, popular Uchiha to cuddle with, she would be happy.

It was then, right then, that Tsunade learned that Sakura was never going to grow up. She was still a little girl stuck with a little girl's crush, thinking she knew about love and pain when she didn't.

Tsunade had never spoken to Sakura about this- after all, the Kage Summit had also been when Madara declared war, and war was no place for silly discussions like this. But she couldn't help but look at Naruto and wish her apprentice had turned out as well as him.

Shizune had sometimes suggested that Sakura had really been unlucky, being placed on a team with the Kyuubi container and the last Uchiha. She had no special skills, nothing like Naruto or Sasuke- if she had been placed on any other genin team, she really would've been given a chance to shine, to grow and get stronger, faster, without other teammates to overshadow her. But Tsunade doubted that Sakura would have grown up no matter what team she was on.

The fact of the matter was, Tsunade now burned with shame at the thought that her legacy was going to be a silly girl who trampled on her best friend's heart and lived life thinking she knew what there was to know about love. Sometimes, she wished she had just stuck with only Shizune.

Once, Tsunade had told this to Shizune. The slight brunette had simply stared at her, then smiled and spoke.

"I think your legacy, Tsunade-sama, will be as the greatest healer in all of the Five Great Nations. Of the Hokage who protected Konoha, even after having already lost everyone who was important to her. Who gave everything she had to heal her people when Pein attacked." Shizune's cheeks tinted pink with a slight blush, and the admiration in her voice cooled to a slightly bland, feigned indifference. "…I don't think anyone will remember you by who your student was."

Tsunade could only hope she was right.


End file.
